


A Rose for Ichigo (On Hold)

by Yaquelean



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dark, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Flashbacks, Gay Sex, Human Trafficking, Intense, Multi, Past Rape/Non-con, Psychological Trauma, Sexual Content, Sexual Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 12:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21428296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yaquelean/pseuds/Yaquelean
Summary: 26 year old Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez is currently living in New York City with his best friend and cousin. It’s been six years since his lover, Ichigo Kurosaki been killed. One day a single red rose arrives on his doorstep. The rose continues to appear daily and Grimmjow decides to seek out who’s responsible even going back to Ichigo’s hometown in Japan. Staying there, Grimmjow uncovers thé secrets of Karakura and Ichigo’s past.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Nelliel Tu Oderschvank
Kudos: 14





	1. A bird came down the Walk

**Author's Note:**

> As you can tell by the tags and rating, this story will contain strong language, sexual violence, rape, and mature themes.

_Chapter One : A bird came down the Walk _

_Upper West Manhattan, 1987 _   
  


Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez groaned as he rubbed his sleep-deprived eyes before getting up from the black leather couch. He couldn't remember exactly what happened last night. It was too much of a blur, even his surroundings felt uncanny from the high consumption of the alcohol. 

“Fuck...,” he said as he got up, trying to catch his balance. 

His white fur pitbull, Pantera circled around her owner's leg trying to get his attention. He acknowledged her presence, but instead of returning her affection; he gave her a cold shoulder that alike of a stranger.

He glimpsed outside the painted veil, antique windows. It was beautiful this morning. For once Grimmjow enjoyed witnessing the sunrise, almost not minding being blinded by it. Magnificent, it didn't made sense to him at all. Rather he thought that his black orchids will finally get some sun, though it longer brought him joy. 

"You woke up late again," a feminine but harsh voice scolded, annoyed by her cousin's prudish nature. "So what if I did," he replied lazily, pressing his left hand against the radiated window slightly burning his pale hand. 

Kagura Aizen was a 28 year old woman standing five foot eight with long wavy chestnut hair, matching brown eyes and light tan skin. She was the exact mirrored image of her bastard father, Grimmjow’s uncle; but had her mother’s dejected and innocent eyes. 

She was very beautiful in appearance with a pleasant poise, possessing such intelligence and athletic built; but her sharp witted tongue always gave her an intimidating aura that turned men away._ Bastards. _

Her mother and Grimmjow’s mother were siblings, so this always gave Kagura a sense of obligation to fulfill the role of an older sister to her younger cousin. This despise Grimmjow so.

Kagura furiously threw her bag at the couch. Grimmjow could hear her blaring, pesky, six inch black stilettos rapidly shuffling against the black hardwood floor.

As he was lost in transcend, Grimmjow didn't seemed to notice that she was already in front of him meeting his light blue eyes. She crossed her long arms as her dark brown medium shaped eyebrows furrowed. Kagura assured that he will give her a valid explanation to justify his immature actions. 

"Kagura you're blocking the view," he was his reply. She grew tired of his secretary. 

"That shouldn't even concerned your mind right now. From the looks of it, I bet you slept on the couch last night. Were you out drinking and fighting with that dumbass Nnoitra? Grimmjow you know you're not suppose to be fucking drinking," she warned sternly, grabbing the empty Tequila bottle that was lying on the ground.

Grimmjow could not stand her annoying bickering.

"When was the last time you ate? Matter fact when was the last time you even took a shower, clean your apartment or better yet slept? Did you even go to therapy today? Even poor Pantera had enough of your bullshit," Kagura explained, tapping her foot impatiently waiting for an answer.

Grimmjow didn't respond right away.

She took a long pause then inhaled, "Grimmjow please don't tell me it's about them again?"

"It's not about fucking them," he replied in a low and bleak tone without malice.

"Then what is it? Grimmjow please tell me what's wrong? You never seem to open up. I'm beginning to get tired of your shit," she expressed almost in full out rampage but still kept her voice in a gentle equanimity.

Without any more options left, Kagura puts aside the bottle as she walked closer to Grimmjow and wrapped her arms around him. She buried her face onto his itchy and starched Black Sabbath tee shirt, but only to break away from her embrace and wandered towards the other side of the living room.

She threw a whimper of disgust, "you can't keep on continuing this beavi-"

"Kagura I'm 26 years old, I don't need you treating me like a fucking child. After-, I-I'm going to fucking work. Lock the damn the door when you leave," Grimmjow interrupted her cruelly, his face darkening.

Before Kagura could open her mouth to speak, he raised a hand to silence her no longer wishing to continue engaging in this conversation. Kagura narrowed her eyes, suddenly looking hurt with her red cupid bow lips quivering.

She cringed a bit when she heard the bathroom door slamming. Pantera laid her head down on the cream color Perisan rug. "Asshole," she whispered quietly, glancing at the black door mistrustfully.

Grimmjow gripped onto the doorknob tightly, but after hearing the front door shut loudly he felt a sense of comfort, slowly letting go.

Grimmjow sighed heavily as he made his way towards the brown marble bathroom sink. He rested both of his hands on the edges of the sink. He glanced at his reflection in perplexity, raising his tormented eyes. All he saw was a man staring back at him. A disgusting man filled with nothing but shame and sin. His trembling hands gripped onto the sink even tighter, raising his head down no longer wishing to see the kind of man he suddenly became.

26 years old living alone in a unadorned, but modest two bedroom apartment close to his job at Hueco Mundo Medical Center. From his memory, Grimmjow deliberately remembered his aunt urging him to purchase a condo or apartment in Downtown Manhattan instead of choosing to live in Upper West. Happiness was subjective, it didn't matter where he lived. 

Grimmjow ran his left hand through his thick, messy light blue hair. He felt vaguely annoyed by his cousin's overbearing nature. He knew her intentions were good. In fact she was the only family member who even bothered taking their time to visit an unapologetic alcoholic with anger issues like him.

He loved her for that. 

Grimmjow grinned sweetly as he opened the bathroom door. He sauntered towards a Technics SL-1200 that was standing on top of his drawer. Pantera lied down next to it, barking at Grimmjow to play music. "Up for heavy metal eh Pantera?" He said to her, while stroking her soft head.

He grabbed a black vinyl and placed it on the record, Orion by Metallica. 


	2. Lie to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I’m preparing for college finals this week!

Grimmjow lets the warm, damp water traveled down to his muscular and well framed body. He allowed the dripping liquid to relax and take away the stress and anger that’s been building up for some time now. 

“Fuck,” Grimmjow whispered stiffly in a low voice, punching the side of the marble shower wall. He rested his head down as his wet hair covered his melancholic face. His body felt immediately cold, abandoned even. 

“Ichigo,” was his reply before he wiped his face with the hot water. 

Few minutes later, Grimmjow got out of the shower. He only had a white towel wrapped around his lower waist, exposing his upper bare chest. 

He opened the medium sized closet and got out his clothes for work. Grimmjow buttoned up a black Versace shirt, matching black trousers, and Vuitton dress shoes. Lastly touched with a pure gold cross necklace, and a Gucci belt that perfectly shaped around his lower body. 

He grabbed his Paul Mitchell hair gel that was a gift from his aunt. He préfèred cheaper, drugstore brands, but since he held such high adoration for her, he decided to use it today. 

He slicked his light blue hair back, but left out a few strands of baby hairs; allowing it to fall freely at the front of his alluring Apollo-like face. 

Grimmjow was still debating whether or not to attend work this morning. He much rather go down to the bar and pick up a good fight with some random bastard. But unfortunately Ulquiorra came across lingering his mind. He could heard that emo loser voice echoing through his ears.

The last thing Grimmjow wanted was to be scold. Again. 

He sauntered to the living room. Pantera was resting on top of the couch with a letter in her mouth. Grimmjow puts his suitcase and doctor’s coat down, “Oi what you have in that stingy mouth of yours,” he asked as he grabbed the letter from her mouth. 

He glanced down at the anomalous but neatly decorated letter. It was a wedding invitation. An invitation for cousin Kagura’s wedding. 

He snickered a bit, then grinned. He put the letter down on the coffee table. “Poor bastard,” he sympathized indirectly, as he grabbed his belongings and headed towards the front door. 

Grimmjow walked inside his local Starbucks. “Hello sir,” the barista greeted cheerfully, then stared in silence after gazing at the attractive man in front of the front registerer. “Yeah hey. Um a venti caramel latte with soy milk and light on the damn sugar,” Grimmjow ordered, staring down at his phone. 

The barista couldn’t stop blushing and stood absolutely still. She eyed him with a shy yet inquisitive glance. 

Grimmjow rôlled his cat shaped eyes from vexation. “Did you hear me woman?” He asked, annoyed and impatient. The barista shook her whole body from embarrassment and apologized, “I’m sorry sir. Is that all? Perhaps I recommend-“

“Just get me my order little girl. And the order for the name is Grimmjow,” Grimmjow informed her, growing tired of the unnecessary and childish conversation as he handed her his credit card. She nodded of course and gave him back his card.

Grimmjow made his way towards the back of the room. He heard small whispers from girls and older women surrounding his presence. He knew that teenage girls and mothers were purposely whispering out loud for him to notice, but he pretended to ignore their catcalling. 

Grimmjow did admit that he was flatter that women and young girls even men found him attractive, but at sometimes it grew tiresome. Lonely in fact. _Admiration is the emotion furthest from understanding,_ his uncle used to say. 

He looked up and noticed some girls looking way blushing and giggling, mumbling to their little friends. He rolled his eyes once again from annoyance. _Tch. Women. _

”For Grimmjow.” He heard a voice called out across the room. He sighed as he made his way towards the front counter to receive his coffee. The same barista smiled at him. That fake smiled that everyone gave him. He responded by giving her a harmless glare, but later scoffed at the sight of her naïve face. 

He strolled to the parking lot and got on his red Lamborghini Countach. He put on his black sunglasses and drove his way to hell aka Hueco Mundo Medical Hospital.   
  
He grabbed his key card and swiped it through the security lock. ”Good morning Grimmjow.” Luppi, the front receptionist greeted flirtatiously. 

“Fuck off,” Grimmjow scowled as he put on his white lab coat and glasses. 

“My Grimmjow did you wake on the wrong side of the bed?” He teased, leaning against the desk, waving the medicinal files close to Grimmjow’s face. 

“That’s none of your damn business,” Grimmow seethed, snatching the files from Luppi’s hands. 

“Doctor Szayel is coming this evening,” Luppi informéd him, looking at the computer to avoid his reaction. 

“That creepy bastard is coming again?! I’m tired of seeing that pervert’s face,” Grimmjow complained, crouching closer to Luppi. “Doctor please not my face!” Luppi pleaded weakly, protecting his feminine face from the furious and enraged blue haired doctor. 

Grimmjow couldn’t stand that pink haired, sadistic freak. He remembered last year that fucking cretin tried to harassed him by convincing him that he was a perfect specimen for one of his experiments. Grimmjow shivered every time his mind pictured of those dirty and shady hands touching his burning skin. 

“Grimmjow~” a voice said. Speaking of shady hands.   
  
Grimmjow broke thought, but didn’t wish to turned around to greet the face of that matching voice. Like a dolt, he did so anyways. “Yes Mr. Ichimaru?” Grimmjow answered sarcastically, gritting his teeth and slightly clenching his fists. 

“Grimmjow please. I thought we already got pass the whole formally,” Gin said with a perspicuous smile. He didn’t trust that fox faced bastard for shit. 

“Alright,” Grimmjow smirked and leaned back against the front desk, “what is it fox face?”

Gin laughed, but grinned “Luppi texted me this morning that ya didn’t exactly woke up on the happy side of bed. I wonder why? It’s a beautiful morning.” 

Grimmjow gave Luppi a menacing look as he whistle innocently. Grimmjow inhaled, “And?”   
  
“And this deeply concerns me,” Gin frowned, pretending to care. 

Grimmjow was not gullible, but simply raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? My unhappiness concerns you? I suggest you wipe off that smirk off your face asshole.”

”Is this an appropriate way to address to your boss?” Tosen intervened the conversation, coming behind Gin’s side. 

“Now now Tosen please there’s no harm done. Anyways Grimmjow if there’s something bothering ya please do come by to my office anytime. Ya uncle already informed me about ya issues,” Gin explained, placing his hand on his shoulder. 

Grimmjow rolled his eyes and aggressively shoved Gin’s hand away from his body. Of course that bastard uncle of his said that.   
  
“Whatever,” Grimmjow repliéd stubbornly, getting out a cigarette from his pocket.

“Such à vague réponse Doctor Jaegerjaquez. You’re lucky that Mr. Aizen is your uncle and your aunt begged him to get you job in one of his many medical facilities. Because if that wasn’t the case, I would’ve dragged your sorry ass on the streets,” Tosen threatened him, staring at the blue haired man with an expression of pure disgust. 

“Yes that must really piss you off huh? You’re presence is also demoralizing me. So I guess we can both agree on those terms,” Grimmjow replied in a dry voice, exhaling a puff of smoke at Tosen’s face. Tosen felt intimidated by blue haired doctor’s action. Grimmjow smirked deviously as he head towards his office. 

Grimmjow took a long sip from his coffee while shuffling and reviewing some files that his assistant placed on his desk earlier. 

He suddenly felt someone near his presence. 

“What do you want Ulquiorra” he asked refusing to look at his friend, instead focused on the files. 

“Mr. Ichimaru informed me the commotion between you and Mr. Tosen,” he began as usual with that unemotional and bleak voice of his.   
  
“Yeah that asshole is out to get me,” Grimmjow uttered infuriated with that blind bastard. 

“Aren’t you overreacting?” Ulquiorra questioned, unimpressed with his friend’s temper. 

“No I’m not! He probably wants to fucking cut my arm off,” Grimmjow explained, trying to defend his reasons. 

“That’s reaching a bit far Grimmjow. Besides it was probably your fault,” Ulquiorra scolded his friend, leaning back against the white wall. 

“I hope you didn't just come here to waste my fucking time,” Grimmjow hissed, taking off his reading glasses and slammed the medical files down exasperated feeling antagonized. 

“What a very mature respond from you. Besides I didn't walk over here to express a personal vendetta. I have an important topic to discuss with you,” Ulquiorra said in a consequential matter, but Grimmjow didn’t seemed to take it seriously. 

“What is it now?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as he took another sip from his coffee. 

“It’s a private matter. Perhaps we can discuss it over lunch,” the emerald green eyed replied vaguely and briefly. 

“Dude just get on with it,” Grimmjow growled irritated from being impatient. 

“No. Besides shouldn’t you be calling Cheryl?” Ulquiorra told him, staring down at the Starbucks coffee. 

Grimmjow gave him a death glare and turned the coffee cup around. It was that barista from Starbucks. _Son of a bitch. _

”Alright we’ll have lunch or something,” Grimmjow finally agreed, putting on his glasses again and getting the files. He walked lazily towards the other direction of the long hallway.   
  
“Where are you going? All the doctors are suppose to be attending the mandatory meeting with Doctor Szayelaporro,” Ulquiorra remained his friend, crossing his arms disapprovingly. 

“Tell them I’m treating a patient with measles or smallpox,” Grimmjow replied trying to dodge the question as he waved his coffee in the air not caring. 

“Fool,” he said displeased with the lie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for a clarification! Grimmjow in this story is bisexual. Cheers!


	3. Catholic Girls

_Cafe _

Grimmjow lits up a cigarette and puts away his reading glasses in the case, “So what's the important topic you needed to talk about?” 

“It’s regarding your uncle,” Ulquiorra began without malice and straightforwardly. 

Grimmjow leaned the wooden chair back and gazed up the at sky. It was dreary as were the clouds above. 

He luffed the gray smoke, “That doesn’t fucking surprise me. What’s that asshole doing now.” 

“Well since you decided to skip the meeting with Doctor Szayel. It appeared that your uncle had formed a team with him to find a cure for aids,” Ulquiorra explained spinning the small spoon around in his tea. 

Grimmjow puts down the cigarette as the black ashes fell slowly to the ashtray. He stared indefinitely down at the concrete ground. Ulquiorra’s êyes briefly narrowed down to find his blue haired friend’s hand gripping tight as a baseball. He looked back up, but Grimmjow êyes refused to meet his. 

“This may be a sensitive topic for you. But you’re smart enough to be aware how serious this illness is. This sickness does not only just affect homosexual men. In fact, yesterday I had to inform one of my female patients that she contracted HIV from her heterosexual partner. Of course Doctor Szayel stated that it’s easier for gay men to get infected,” Ulquiorra explained harshly, trying to warned his friend.

Ulquiorra knew that he was being insensitive and rather cruel with his words, but Grimmjow was a difficult person to deal with. As much as Ulquiorra didn’t want to admit it, he actually cared for his ill temper friend. Almost like a brother for a better lack of word. 

Grimmjow scoffed as he crossed his legs and continued smoking. “What does that have to do with me? I always have protected sex,” he mocked, turning away admiring the trees from a local park across the street. 

“I’m aware of that information, but Grimmjow it wouldn’t hurt to be careful,” Ulquiorra said, after a pause, added “Given to your.... sexuality.” 

Grimmjow êyes sightly widen as he leaned close to his black haired friend. He threw the cigarette on the concrete ground and stepped on it roughly. He then forcefully grabbed Ulquiorra by the collar. “My sexuality has nothing to do with work. You, my bastard uncle, Fox face Ichimaru and asshole Tosen are the only ones aware and I intend to keep it that way,” Grimmjow threatened, his jaw tightening. 

Ulquiorra stared silently at the spiteful face not intimidated at all but only sighed once again, ”Grimmjow you must’d dwell on this. As your friend I respect your orientation that of a bisexual man. Frankly I don’t care if you arouse yourself in the presence of both men and women, but I also heard a blâsphemous rumor that Aizen-sama is pushing policies to fired those who are in the “closet.” 

Grimmjow snarled when Ulquiorra mentioned his uncle’s name. He loathed that manipulative and odious bastard. As he started feeling calm, Grimmjow lets go of his friend’s collar. Ulquiorra fixed his shirt and resumed drinking his tea. Grimmjow lit up another cigarette and turned abruptly for a few seconds. 

”Tch. That asshole can fire me for all I care. I’m not fucking ashamed,” Grimmjow declared unexpectedly but proudly, pointing the cigarette at his friend. The emerald eyed man was quite astonished and surprised by his reaction, though he didn’t let Grimmjow notice his expression. 

“All I’m saying is that be careful. Perhaps it’s best to keep your sexual affairs and activity in a low profile,” the black haired doctor advised. 

“You mean lie about it? Yeah like that’s no different what I've been doing ever since I came out to my aunt and uncle nine years ago. So I can hear them calling me selfish, confuse or straight in denial,” he explained with a slight crack in his tone of voice, suddenly looking offended. 

”Grimmjow...,” Ulquiorra sighed all sympathy trying to cheer up his blue haired friend but Grimmjow looked away. There was a brief echo of silence in the table. 

Grimmjow inhaled then exhaled. Ulquiorra was appalled by the awful and cancerous stench of the cigarette coming out from his friend's mouth. Grimmjow continued smoking in spite of Ulquiorra obvious disapproval. 

“Speaking of important matters. My cousin Kagura is getting married,” Grimmjow began the conversation, changing the topic. 

”How splendid. To whom?” Ulquiorra asked curiously. 

”I don’t know to some poor bastard,” was his reply. 

”Are you planning to attend?” He questioned aware of Grimmjow’s estranged relationship with his uncle. 

“Fuck I don’t know. I don’t wanna see that asshole Aizen there,” Grimmjow responded angrily though annoyed. 

”Grimmjow it’s been six years since you haven’t talked to your uncle. Don’t you think it’s about time to break that estrangement?” Ulquiorra suggested hoping for his friend to rekindle his relationship with his uncle. 

Grimmjow seethed, “Like hell! I don’t want to make mends with that fucking man. Sure I’ll attend the damn wedding or whatever. But if I see that asshole face I swear to God-

“Calm down. You’re behaving like a child. You’re a medical professional for heaven sake,” Ulquiorra interrupted Grimmjow, scolding him. Grimmjow noticed the perplexing faces walking by observing him and Ulquiorra, but Grimmjow couldn’t give two shits about their opinions. 

“Fuck you Ulquiorra. Why don’t you put on some eyeliner and listen to Alice Cooper or Lou Reed,” Grimmjow told him. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes at his friend’s immature insult. 

They heard the church bells ring. 

“Oh it seems that the Catholic girls from Saint Agatha are out early today,” Ulquiorra pointed out, staring at the gates of the school opening. Grimmjow turned his whole body around and saw young girls walking and smiling with their friends. 

“I can’t believe they allow them wear such short mini skirts. I can almost see their mid thigh. Fuck I remember getting my first french kiss with this one chick. Catholic girls are freaks,” Grimmjow grinned lecherously from the aroused and lewd memories. 

“Yes I remember learning about the heart when we attended. That girl was a saint,” Ulquiorra said reminiscing over the memory he cherished. This quite scared Grimmjow a bit. 

“Here’s your check,” the waitress said, blushing interrupting the men from their inappropriate thoughts. 

“Thank you,” Ulquiorra thanked her bleakly. 

The waitress nodded and stared at Grimmjow for a bit then turned the other direction but stumbles along the way.  
  
“First the barista now waitress. Perhaps it’s about time you settle down. You know... whether it be with a man or woman,” Ulquiorra said. Grimmjow gave him a disgusted look, “Getting married is the last thing I wanna do or think about.” 

Hospital

"Luppi can you store these files in the red room," Grimmjow said, cleaning the dust and lint off his reading glasses.

“On it,” Luppi proceeded as he left the front desk.   
  
Grimmjow lit up another cigarette and put on his glasses once again. He huffed and exhaled the smoke. Suddenly his body stilted like wood when he heard the perilous footsteps coming behind his direction. His hands immediately clenched. Grimmjow slightly bit on the Marlboro stick, tasting the chemicals.

Szayel came behind Grimmjow and blew on his ear. This caught Grimmjow by surprised. He immediately grabbed the pink haired doctor by his coat and was prepared to put this bastard in his place. 

“My my Doctor Jaegerjaquez I was so sadden that I didn’t got to see your beautiful face during my presentation earlier,” Szayel smirked sweetly and innocently. 

Grimmjow almost gagged but rolled his eyes, “Well I was busy treating a patient freak.” 

“Yes I heard, but we already killed the small pox in 1980 and well we’re barely developing a vaccine for measles. But in case you haven’t heard. Your uncle hired my team and I to find a cure for HIV/Aids,” Szayel informed him delighted from the new project. 

“Wonderful,” Grimmjow said sarcastically letting go of the pink haired doctor. Szayel cleaned off the germs from the blue haired doctor and brushed the lent off. 

“Aren’t you a bit excited?” 

“Leave me alone,” Grimmjow said walking away. Szayel pouted and curved his upper lip. He only stared at Grimmjow walking away. All Szayel wished was to have that man all for himself. 

Therapy

Ever since Grimmjow turned 20, six years ago he was required to attend mandatory anger management classes. He didn’t have this anger when he was a child or young lad. He noticed his behavior changing when Ichigo last called him and when he found out about his death.

It only worsen after that incident occurred between him and one of his classmates from medical school. If he was honest, Grimmjow didn’t remember that day specifically. The judge only informed him that the charges were dropped and cleared, only to find out later from his aunt that his uncle was responsible for the dismal. However, Grimmjow was required to attend therapy for his anger and violent issues. He didn’t enjoy these sessions one bit. 

”Here’s your medication,” said a tall woman with a sweet expression. 

Grimmjow hated this Mary Sue bitch, “Yeah alright and this one? I haven’t seen this one?” He stared at the unfamiliar yellow mini bottle confusedly. 

“Oh! Ms. Unohana believes it’ll help your with depression,” she informed him. 

“Oh!” hé mimicked her respond earlier, “but that old hag is mistaken. I don’t have depression,” he sneered raising his voice at the tall but timid woman.

“Please Mr. Jaegerjaquez-“ Isane pleaded with one hand trying to calm down the man. 

“Is there a problem Doctor Jaegerjaquez,” a quiet voice said. Grimmjow recognized that voice. It was his therapist, Restu Unohana. 

Grimmjow turned around to face her and waved the yellow bottle in the air, “what the fuck is this for?” 

Unohana closed her eyes from disapproval after hearing that vulgar word coming out of her patient’s lips. “It’s for your depression,” Unohana told him, walking closer. Grimmjow rolled his eyes, “Yes I know Mary Sue told me that. You might wanna stop smoking your husband’s cannabis because oh yeah- I don’t have fucking depression!”   
  
“Grimmjow please. You may not think that, but I’ve been noticing these mood changes for weeks now. Your anger and addition to your depression will affect not only your health, but your workplace and relationships as well. And I don’t want to see you losing your medical license or prevent you from forming a healthy and stable relationship... I strongly urge you to take those pills... you’ll feel more better,” Unohana explained to him, smiling maternally. 

“I’m not taking these meds. I know what these kind of pills can do. I’m a doctor also woman,” Grimmjow reminded her, trying to provoke the short woman. Unohana only replied by giving him a menacing look. Grimmjow stepped back a bit, frighten by the unsettling face beguiling his soul. He felt a shiver traveling down to his spine. For the hell of it, Grimmjow finally gave in, “Fine whatever. I’ll take these teenage pills.” 

“Splendid. See you in two weeks.” 

“Pantera I’m home,” he called out as he puts his stuff down. Pantera came rushing in rapidly after hearing the sound of her owner’s voice. “I’ve miss you too girl. How’s my special lady eh?” he said cheerly, patting her head. 

Grimmjow heads to the kitchen and grabbed dog food as he poured it on the bowl. He then changed into his pajamas as he walked to the kitchen once again only to poured himself a cold cup of bourbon.

He heads towards the living room, sits on the couch and turned on the tv. He sighed and rested his head down with his hand. Grimmjow continued clicking through the channels. He suddenly heard his answer machine beep. 

“Hey it’s Kagura I apologize for my behavior earlier. Um I don’t know if you notice earlier but I left you an invition on your coffee table right before I left. Uh I hope to see you there in my wedding this Saturday. Listen I know you don’t wanna see my father, but I seated you far away from him as possible. And if he does sees you please don’t start an argument. Especially in front of mother... her cancer has gotten worst and I don’t want to cause her more pain. Please Grimmjow... just put your hatred aside for this special day... it’ll really mean a lot for me....” The message ends. 

Grimmjow puts the cup down as he ran both of his hands through his hair. He leaned back against the leather couch and dazed up at the roof apathetically. 

An orange haired man began to plague his mind after six years.


	4. It’s a Sin

Grimmjow woke up this morning. Six o’clock as usual. It was always the same for the pass six years. 

Getting up for work, being scold by his cousin, feeding his dog, getting his caramel soy latte and that same barista always flirting with him. It didn’t amuse him so. In fact, Grimmjow always felt he always has to build a wall around him. Put on a mask to hide behind all that pain and anger. He felt lifeless like _Harrison Bergeron _or even as far as Winston from _1984\. _

_”You have bipolar depression. You need to tear down that wall Grimmjow. Don’t let your demons drown you. This shall pass.” _

Grimmjow didn’t mind his demons. He welcomed them in fact. He preferred their company over the people he saw everyday. 

Work was standard. Nothing new. Patients went and go. New ones to old. Ulquiorra offered him lunch, Grimmjow accepted. 

His peers and strangers approached to him everyday. Calling out his temper, complementing how handsome he always looked, or why hasn’t he settle down yet? _"You have money, a dog, and attractive! Any girl would think you're a good catch!" _ They always told him that. Even as far to reckon if he was a homosexual. 

Grimmjow didn’t mind answering these questions. He wasn’t ashamed of anything, but often decline when it came to talk about his orientation. Dismissing the morbid thought. It was better that way. 

“Do you have therapy this evening?” the green eyed man asked. Grimmjow put the files in his suitcase and shut it. He sighed and replied, “No. I’m going straight home.”   
  
Ulquiorra raised one eyebrow, but dropped the subject and didn't think much of it later. 

Grimmjow was driving in the streets with his left arm out and with a cigarette on the same left hand. He was frustrated, the Scorpions _"Rock you like a Hurricane" _eased the tension of his body. 

He turned right on Fifth Avenue between 50th and 51ist streets, but caught a quick glimpse of a familiar place. 

Grimmjow inhaled heavily. The light was red. He grabbed the stirring wheel with both of his hands tightly. He put his head down on the leather wheel. No particular thoughts came lingering in his empty mind. 

He sprung his head up quickly. He detested that voice. He punched the wheel repeatedly. Over and over again. The driver next to him gave a frighten expression and quickly drove off when the light turned green. 

He sighed remembering Doctor Unohana’s advise to always breathe whenever he got angry. With reluctance, Grimmjow made a U-turn and parked behind Saint Peter's Roman Catholic Church.   
  
He got off his car, threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. He rested both of his hands on his pockets and stood in front of the vacant church. From the outside the church appeared abandon like the ones in Europe; however, this was one of the most sacred and alive landmarks in New York City. 

He stared carefully down at the Greek style steps. Grimmjow didn’t felt welcomed. he stood there tongue tied, but took a deep breathe and slowly walked up the stairs one by one. 

He opened the large doors. He saw a few people praying down on their knees or sitting on the wooden but beautifully carved benches. A man, a woman and an elderly couple. 

Grimmjow walked in straightforwardly. The lights were slightly dimmed. The only bright light that stood out was where the priest did mass every Sundays. 

Grimmjow was now at the front. He glimpsed up at the two marble statues looking down at him. What caught Grimmjow immediate attention was the painting of Jesus being crucify on the cross. He felt guilt. The sins he committed came across his mind, ready to repent. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt this way. 

Grimmjow kneeled down and gets out his rosary. He didn’t knew where to began, but the answer came across his mind. 

A verse of a Latin chant. "Confiteor deo omnipotenti vobis fratres quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo, opera et omissione. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa," he quietly whispered. Grimmjow voice felt stiffed for unknown reason. Perhaps because its been six years since he last stepped into a church, particular this one.

His parents were religious or at least that’s what his aunt told him. His Aunt Momo; however, was a devoted Catholic who hardly missed Sunday mass. His uncle on the other hand was an ardent Atheist. He even went as far to proclaimed that he was God himself. But surprisingly he respected his wife and daughter beliefs. 

His aunt told him that his father was a Catholic German from Bavaria. His mother and Aunt Momo were from Nagasaki, also a predominate Catholic region since the arrival of Saint Francis Xavier, whom introduced and venture Christian Missionaries during 17th century. 

Catholic since his baptism perhaps even death even. Despite all the hardships that happened in the pass six years, he never once thought about abandoning his faith. It’s what kept him going all this time whether Grimmjow admitted it or not. 

Grimmjow observed the man behind him. The stranger was asking and praying for forgiveness for beating his woman and hitting the young ones. Grimmjow found this kinda ironic. A man can never pray once, go to church and follow the ten commandments yet once his life at sake; he'll lay his body openly for God. Vulnerable and begging for a second chance like they deserved it.

Grimmjow was not ignorant when it came to these situations. He was a doctor after all. He has told patients before they only had certain months even weeks to live. He always had different reactions. The usual was shock, anger, sadness and denial. Some cry and some understood. Some accepted it others denied it. It was nature. Death was natural and inevitable. It's bound to happen one day whether it was painful or peaceful. It certainly didn't bring Grimmjow joy to say these horrid news to patients especially if they were children. God was sick. 

He continued his prayers only this time in German to the Holy Mother. “Gegrüßet seist du, Maria, voll der Gnade, der Herr ist mit dir. Du bist gebenedeit unter den Frauen, und gebenedeit ist die Frucht deines Leibes, Jesus. Heilige Maria, Mutter Gottes, bitte für uns Sünder jetzt und in der Stunde unseres Todes A-"

"Amen." Écho a voice. Grimmjow eyes widen. He recognized that lazy but gruffed voice. 

"Your Latin actually quite improved the last time we saw each other. Perhaps annunciate on 'fratres quia peccavi' but your German? Still flawless," the voice said. 

"H-hello father," Grimmjow said still kneeling down and holding onto his rosary tightly. 

"Good afternoon to you too Grimmjow," greeted the priest. He stood next to Grimmjow. He kneeled down meeting the same height, then he stared down at the blue haired man's hands. 

"Your father's rosary. I remember when I first started working here. I saw your father. He was outside on his knees hailing to Our lord and Our Lady of Heaven. A man of God he was," Father Starrk replied. 

"Oh." 

Starrk turned his head to Grimmjow. Grimmjow still had his head down. "I've been hearing rumors about your alcoholism... Your aunt told me last Sunday that you've been attending therapy for your anger issues... I know you don't drink... also it's a sin," Starrk said. 

"I didn't come here for a fu-,” he takes a long pause then continued, “lecture or confession."

Starrk snickered, "No perhaps you didn't.. but Grimmjow please I've known you and your family for a very long time. You even served as my altar boy. I just want what's best for you."

Grimmjow stood up abruptly. "Yeah sure Starrk. Thank your ass that we're in a church because- because-be-" He began to stuttered. The words escape from his breath. He hasn't had a stuttering problem since he was 13. Ichigo often teased him for stuttering all the damn time even though that bastard stuttered worst than him. It was a common trait they both shared and an imperfection that they embraced. Allowing them to grow closer. 

Ichigo. Ichigo came plaguing his mind. 

With Ichigo on his mind, Grimmjow didn't seem to notice that tears were coming out of his eyes. He breaks thought and stifles but secretly hoping for Father Starrk not to hear. He couldn't hide it well, but Father Starrk didn't judge him. He couldn't even if he wanted to, but didn't. Starrk never judged him. Inside or outside the church. Grimmjow always liked that. 

"I'm sorry for disturbing you father.. it's best if I'll be on my way," Grimmjow said with a slight crack in his deep voice. "If that's what you wish Grimmjow. I'm actually happy to see you. You haven't been to mass since I last you on that rainy night about six years ago. I don't know what was on your mind that made you stop attending... I know it's none of my business but I hope whatever happened I hope you found strength in the hands of the Lord," Starrk explained with concerned though lazily like he always sounded. He meant well. 

Grimmjow knew what night Father Starrk was referring to. It was the night he came back from Karakura after learning Ichigo’s death. The world stopped when Grimmjow found out about the death of his lover. He felt like walking to an empty abyss and everyone stood absolute still like mannequins rooming on the vivid streets. 

He couldn't bring himself to attend the funeral. How could he? Ichigo's family never knew of him or their relationship. He wasn't welcomed. It was for the best, or at least that's what Grimmjow told himself. 

That rainy night was the same summer day Ichigo's funeral was held. New York City and Karakura were only 18 hours apart. Time did matter. 

Grimmjow crying on those same Greek style steps. Mourning and yelling dammit like no man would while Father Starrk watched afar. 

"I can assure you I'm fine Starrk. Don't worry old man," Grimmjow lied, but knew that Starrk always looked through him. Starrk didn't protest, but simply said, "If you say so. Give my congrates to your cousin on her marriage. I hope one day you can experience that same happiness with someone." 

Grimmjow grinned and patted Starrk on the shoulder. "That won't be coming soon old man." "No it appears it won't," Starrk chuckled lightly. Grimmjow grabbed his coat and began to walk but stopped. He took a quick pause and turned his body. "Hey Starrk?" he asked. "Yes?" 

"Is it a sin for a man to love another man?" was Grimmjow question.

Starrk stood there baffled by the bizzare question. Starrk didn't know what was Grimmjow talking about. However, he didn't ask if the love was romantically or platonically. 

"No it's not. Love is whatever you share it with. Man or woman. If the Vatican heard what I just said seconds ago they would've been on my ass," Starrk joked, although Grimmjow didn't find it amusing. 

Life as a homosexual or bisexual man will never be welcomed or accepted by society. They wouldn’t understand anyways. They never did. 

Grimmjow expected more of an answer, but it was Starrk. There was no point. Grimmjow was satsify. He bid Starrk a farewell. 

Grimmjow came home a little earlier. He decided not to go to the bar this night. He just wanted to come home to his best girl. 

"Pantera I'm home girl," he called out after locking the front door. 

He hung his coat and threw his keys on the couch. Suddenly he finds a single white rose sitting gracefully on the coffee table. "What the hell?" he questioned. He walked closer to the coffee table and picked up the rose. It was just a rose. A white one. It didn't have a note attached. It was rather smooth, a rose without thorns. It was strange. "Did you steal this from the neighbors again?" Grimmjow asked Pantera. Pantera only mope as she put her head down. 

"Probably Kaugra left it here for me. She knows I hate roses," he thought glancing at the foreign flower. 

Grimmjow thought nothing further. He tossed it aside. 

Grimmjow lastly remembered that he needed to pick up an Armani black suit for his cousin's wedding on Saturday. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter so far! This story was actually based on my unpublished novel, A Rose for Takuya on Wattpad. Feel free to check out my other works! Kudos are always appreciated ^^


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